Ryther - Healthy Children, Stronger Families

In honor of National Volunteer Week April 16-20, here is an interview with volunteer Virginia Hassinger who teaches meditation to the teenage boys in Ryther’s Substance Abuse Inpatient program. She and several other members of the community at Sakya Monastery of Tibetan Buddhism are part of the broader spirituality program at Ryther.

How does meditation fit in with the program?      

Meditation is often viewed as a way to calm the mind. This is very true, but we also teach that mediation is a method to explore, strengthen and stabilize our own minds. The boys at Cottage B all have experience with mind-altering drugs. They have done some exploring already, albeit with vehicles that neither strengthen nor stabilize the mind. So, we are handing them the keys to an alternate vehicle.

Why do you volunteer at Ryther?     

Several years ago a friend asked me to help out with meditation classes at Ryther. I didn’t feel qualified to teach but she was very persuasive and a few days later I joined her for a class in the girls’ cottage. It was the first time in decades I had sat down with a group of teenagers. They were amazingly receptive and very direct in their questions and attitudes.  But the hook that brought me in was their gratefulness for the time we spent with them. They followed us to the door saying “Come back, come back.”

What happens in a typical session?        

We try some short meditation sessions (3-5 minutes) and then we talk about the experience. Some kids notice a brief sense of stillness and calm immediately; others have a very difficult time sitting still.

We teach them to use the breath as a single point of concentration. How often the mind wanders is not important. We learn to notice that it wandered without being judgmental. Then we take action, bringing the mind back to focus on the breath.  Even if they can only do so for a brief second that is a success. Building on that initial success is the main skill, the main practice. The mind wanders repeatedly but we can control it, bring it back into focus as often as needed, and let all discursive thoughts rest.

What differences do you observe after the session?

There is often a perceptible shift in the collective atmosphere by the end of a class. I remember a specific evening last summer when all eleven boys in the cottage attended meditation class. When I arrived several of the boys were arguing and jumping around. But after they all sat down for meditation something clicked. At the end of the class you could have heard a pin drop. Knowing that the class was over and that they finally had the option to run out and play basketball, most of them just sat with me and asked if they could “try it again” for 5 minutes. On that particular day they had noticed a difference — a greater sense of ease being around each other, and they wanted to hold onto that experience.

All of the residents in Cottage B have many life challenges to address, and like most of us they are caught up in the past or the future. Taking time out to notice the present moment is a valuable experience for them.  We encourage the boys to try meditation on their own. A few come back to us the in following weeks with more questions or comments.

What is your hope?

Our goal in teaching these kids is to provide options for a healthier and more stable mental life.  Although we are practicing Buddhists and willing to answer questions on broader Buddhist topics, we encourage the kids to examine their own family or cultural religious traditions. Most traditions do include a form of mediation. However they choose to approach mediation in the future, we hope to have planted a seed that will someday grow into a valuable mental skill.

To learn more about Ryther’s Substance Abuse Inpatient Program for teen boys, visit this page.

April 16-20, 2012 is National Volunteer Week. In appreciation of our wonderful volunteers and to honor their hard work in helping our kids and teens, we are featuring a few of their stories.

From John, a Best Buddy volunteer for a twelve-year-old boy in Cottage D:

“Kingston” and I meet once a week and I have also attended some of his off-site events, which have been amassing fun.

Although I have only been volunteering a few months now, I have seen some changes in my buddy’s attitude.  Kingston looks forward to my visits, as I do, and we have been building a positive relationship.  One day he was so proud of being at Level  1 for good behavior, he had to show me the board where the level system is located. Being on Level  1 means that he had no restrictions, such as being able to go on any outings for the day. On another visit I had lost my coat on Ryther’s play field, and he took me around to all the cottages asking the staff at each if they had seen it.

I believe these visits are special to him because I am not paid staff – I am there, with him every week, because I want to be there and I enjoy spending time with him.  He knows this and I think it makes a difference.  I am sure that building a mentor relationship like this helps complement the tremendous work that Ryther staff do every day.

Volunteering at Ryther has also given me a lot in return.  It has helped me to keep my perspective when life gets too hectic and it also provides an opportunity to give back.  What makes Ryther such a special place to volunteer is easy to answer: the kids.

To learn more about Ryther’s Sub-Acute Care program, visit this page. If you would like to share your story, email clayt@ryther.org.

An interview with Beta Theta Pi Philanthropy Chair Danny Chandler and fraternity members James Coatsworth and Kyle Ahrens after a few of the fraternity brothers spent some time with the teen boys in Cottage B who are receiving inpatient treatment for drug and alcohol addiction. Beta Theta Pi is a unit of the Ryther League and visits frequently to help the boys expand their sense of what is possible if they work hard towards a goal…as well as play some basketball!

What did you find most interesting about your discussion with the teens?

Danny: At first, the boys were a little skeptical of us, acting as though we were completely different people than them, and as if we wouldn’t understand them. After a few questions about fraternity life and college life in general, they started to realize that we were not so different from them, and that we might have some good advice.

James: The entire group’s demeanor changed as the discussion went on. In the beginning, they were joking around, talking with each other and not paying much attention. But as the conversation continued, more and more in-depth questions arose, such as when we talked about addressing conflict in a house full of male adolescents. The boys were also very interested in college and had several good questions about higher education.

Did you feel like you could relate to them? Why or why not?

 Danny: Obviously there are differences, but at the end of the day we are all teenage guys who more or less think alike and act alike in certain situations.

James: It’s honestly difficult for me to relate to guys with a tough upbringing and understand what these boys have gone through, but I still enjoyed trying to relate, and it helps me grow by learning of their experiences. At the same time, we’re all guys. We all enjoyed playing basketball. We probably eat the same food, laugh at the same stuff and idolize the same celebrities.

Kyle: I am not too much older than these guys so I can relate to them in that we all like to play sports, laugh at the same things, and can have a good time together playing basketball (which was a great time, even though we lost the game).

How did basketball go?

 James:  It was fun! They were competitive, and Danny told me it was the most intense Ryther game he’d ever seen. The guys wanted to beat us, and they did just that. They worked as a team better than we did.

Was there a moment that you’ll remember?

 Danny: At the end of the game, I could really tell that the boys had a good time. They looked like they were happy with each other, joking around and having fun. Going into each of the small group meetings at the cottage, I really hope that the kids will have a good time and that we can make a positive impact. After the basketball game, I could see that we achieved this goal.

James: Shaking hands after the game. It showed me that the guys weren’t as tough as they tried to look. We played hard basketball for about a half hour, maybe longer, and everyone was happy for that whole time. The tension that hung in the air at the beginning was gone by the end of the game.

Kyle: Every time someone got knocked down, there was another guy there to help him up.

Contributed by Danny Chandler, James Coatsworth and Kyle Ahrens, UW Beta Theta Pi fraternity members and League members. To learn more about the Ryther League or to join, visit this page.

A few years ago, I was looking for a fun and innovative way to volunteer and give back to my community. The Women’s Philanthropic Investment Group of Seattle (WPIG) was the perfect fit for me. Founded in 2008, WPIG is committed to serving the emotional, developmental and physical needs of women and children by contributing financial donations and donations of time and energy. Our intent is to help women and children move from places of need to self sufficiency and stability. We meet our goals through smart investment practices, fundraising, volunteering and our annual silent art auction, Pigture Perfect.

Pigture Perfect Silent Art Auction is on Nov. 4

WPIG seeks out organizations with values and goals that align with our mission of supporting women and children. Our 2010 and 2011 charity is Ryther. WPIG has chosen to carry out our mission through volunteering our time, energy and compassion to support the amazing work that happens at Ryther.

Volunteering at Ryther has been a wonderful experience for me and for the rest of our members. Last year, WPIG planned and facilitated a night of fall and Halloween themed arts and crafts activities for the children living at Ryther. The night was such a hit that WPIG will be planning another similar event at the end of this month. In addition to the Halloween night, WPIG also had a great time washing vans and cleaning up the Ryther campus during the summer of 2010.

A WPIG member washing a Ryther van

In addition to volunteering on the Ryther campus, WPIG will be donating funds raised at our annual art action, Pigture Perfect. The auction will be held November 4^th, 2011 at the Fremont Abbey Arts Center. WPIG members have been working hard to procure art and other donations for the event. Our blog is currently featuring a “sneak peek” of current art donations. Check it out at http://www.wpigseattle.blogspot.com/. For more information about Pigture Perfect, please visit our website at http://www.wpigseattle.org/WPIG/Events.html.

- Edna Merrick Maddalena

Jody & her mom baking cookies with the children

Jody Ericson Dorow, one of Ryther’s valued volunteers, has been volunteering with the children at Ryther for two years. She started with her friends, Nancy Gellos and Marlen Boivin, a select custom publishing company, ShinShinChez. They recently published TENDER: farmers, cooks, eaters with Chef Tamara Murphy and are just finishing up Passion & Palate: Recipes for a Generous Table with Chef John Howie. She is a regular contributor to the blog farmerscookseaters.com.

What do you do when you come to Ryther?

I help in the gardens with Fritz, who is the master gardener and a retired teacher at Ryther, and sometimes with the kids. I also have done baking and cooking projects in the cottages. My mom, who’s 86, comes with me quite often too. She’s done a lot of cooking and gardening here.

Ryther kids baking brownies

Tell us about gardening here at Ryther:

Fritz is the master gardener, and I help upkeep the gardens. Fritz understands the power of involvement with the kids, and he will frequently invite them to participate in germinating and planting seeds or watering plants. They listen very carefully to Fritz explain how to plant and water a plant to protect it, and then they plant it themselves. When I am in the gardens later, the kids will come over to make sure that the plants are being watered correctly. So they have listened well and they feel connected to the gardens, which is very empowering.

Each cottage at Ryther has a garden with flowers and vegetables.

When things grow, the kids have the opportunity of selecting a cucumber or a squash and being able to eat it. The hope is eventually to be able to grow meals for the cottages from food they’ve actually grown. This fall we’re hoping to take a trip to the farmers’ market to do a little shopping and a little cooking and show the kids some food grown by actual farmers.

What is your favorite part about coming to Ryther?

Everything at Ryther has been exciting, and it’s different every time I come. I always learn something from the staff or the kids, about what our priorities in life should really be. It keeps us grounded and connected to the community. Also, there’s such good energy here because people are truly contributing, and that’s a positive feeling.

What plans do you have for the future at Ryther?

We’re trying to incorporate both of our books into fund raising efforts with the Ryther League. For example, we’re looking at using TENDER: farmers, cooks, eaters with Chef Tamara Murphy as an item at the upcoming Hearts for Hope Auction, and possibly Passion & Palate with Chef John Howie. I would like to do more to share what I’ve learned here, as well as help other people contribute to keep Ryther vibrant and with the resources it needs.

You’ve recently published a cookbook with local chef Tamara Murphy. What is the message of the book?

TENDER: farmers, cooks, eaters is a book about our connection with food. As we become more aware, we see how each of us plays an important role in what we eat, how it is cooked and how it is grown.  You are either a farmer, a cook or an eater…or a combination of these roles, so how can we take simple steps to enjoy good food in our lives.

By Kristen Williams
Ryther Volunteer

A person never thinks about the life they have had, until they have to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. You never realize how good your life has been, until you hear children talk about their hardships in life; things that a young person should not have to deal with. I experienced this when I was given the opportunity to spend a day at Ryther.

On my drive into Ryther, I was very nervous because I didn’t know what to expect. But that feeling quickly faded away. When I arrived, Katie and I walked down to Cottage C, where I would be spending my day. We started off our day by watching cartoons with the children. While they finished watching the cartoons, Katie took me on a tour of the cottage and showed me how the children live their everyday lives.

Our first stop, on our cottage tour, was the schedule. Since most of these children are not used to living by a schedule, everyday is planned out for them, in 15 or 30 minute intervals. Our next stop on the tour was one of the rooms in the cottage. The cottage is split into two levels, and each child in the cottage has their own bedroom. I don’t know what I was expecting, but the bedroom looks like every other bedroom that I have seen. The door was decorated to match their personality and inside was a bed, dresser and window. The last stop on our tour was the kitchen. The kitchen is quite large, and the children help cook the meals and set the table for each meal.

After our tour, we came back just in time for their morning group therapy. I was a little nervous to see how the children would react to me being there during this session, but they seemed to go about it as if I wasn’t there. (Now before I go into details about the session I think that everyone should start doing this as part of their morning routine.) All of the children sat around and the leader told them that she wanted them to write down three things that they were going to do that day, and on the back write down one thing that they wanted to work on that week. I started thinking about work and everything that I needed to get done, but my thoughts changed when I heard the children’s answers. I was surprised when more than one child said one of the things they were going to do that day was smile. Smile…something that I don’t even think about on a daily basis and this is something these children have to work on. At this point I had been there less than an hour, and these children already had me thinking about my childhood.

After we were done with group therapy, it was time to go outside and play. Katie and I followed them out and we walked through all of the different areas and watched them play. After we walked around, we came back in and noticed one little boy who was inside by himself playing with play dough. He looked up at Katie and me, and invited us to come and join him. Not too long after we sat down with him, he began asking me questions. His first question to me was where are you from? I responded, “Florida.” I knew as soon as I gave him my answer, that he and I were going to have something in common. He looked up at me and told me this long story about living with his aunt in Florida. From there we talked non-stop for the next 30 minutes.

After play time was over, everyone came back inside and it was lunch time. To keep the children in good health, each meal is portioned. We had a chicken sandwich, chips and melon for lunch and I was surprised how full I was after the meal. When everyone was finished, the children clean their own dishes and then go into their rooms for quiet time. During quiet time, a few select children were able to stay out with Katie and me to paint some pictures. Katie and I sat down with three of the children and started painting. As we painted, the children began to open up more and more, talking about themselves and their lives. The more we painted the more I learned about each child that was sitting in front of me.

This is one of my best days that I have had, since I moved to Washington, and I wish that everyone who cared about children had the opportunity to spend a day on campus. I will never forget the children that I met and the friendships that I made while I was there.